Bark + Bite

2012 MTV VMAs: This show has lost its mojo

There's no easy way to put this, so let's get straight to the point: The 2012 MTV Video Music Awards sucked. Badly. Real badly.

It's not completely MTV's fault, because it did have to go up against the Democratic National Convention and President Obama. But that's no excuse for what was a night of no surprises, unwarranted rewards and all-around disappointments.

What disappointments, you say? Let's start with the opener, Rihanna. For some godforsaken reason, she has decided that we need one more single from Talk That Talk and she's decided it's gonna be "Cockiness." But the performance she put together for "Cockiness" was nothing but cooch pats and lazy two-steps.

The energy was low for a show opener, and Rihanna's idea of a "surprise" was bringing out A$AP Rocky, who promptly helped himself to a handful of ass. Rihanna seemingly approved; no word on how Chris Brown felt about it though.

The night was supposed to belong to Frank Ocean. After all, he completely cleared his schedule so he could perform at the MTV VMAs. But all we got was a timid, restrained, campside performance of "Thinking About You." Frank is hardly a spectacle kind of performer, but he could've chosen a less sleepy single, like oh, say, "Pyramids" or "Lost." And with all of the shrubbery, low lighting and stage props, Frank looked more like he wanted to disappear than stand out. So Frank's star-making moment was more mehworthy than noteworthy.

2011 VMAs: Awkward and uncomfortable

Photo: Wireimage

If there's one word that best summed up the 2011 MTV VMAs, it's awkward. Like Lady Gaga's whole drag king concept with the Jo Calderone character. Very, very awkward. Her idea of impersonating a man is decidedly antiquated. Her archetype seems to be the Fonz, from the 1950s sitcom Happy Days.

People blasted Gaga for being a rumored hermaphrodite, but if last night's performance proved anything, it's that Gaga doesn't have the first clue about how to be a guy. Instead of delivering a convincing performance as a man, she did play a believable butch stud. Pink, you interested in a wild night out?

The one thing that Gaga did manage to do successfully was buck expectations. People were waiting to see what wild fashion concoction Gaga would come up with next, after her egg incubating stunt at this year's Grammys. The last thing anyone expected was for her to stay dressed up as K.D. Lang the WHOLE show. And it was entertaining watching other celebrities try to make sense of Lady Gaga's schtick, especially Britney Spears, who looked like she wanted to crawl under the stage during her interactions with Mr. Gaga.

2011 VMAs: The Performances

The 2011 VMAs churned out an impressive range of performances and it didn't let down as far as spectacles go. As far as the "moment" of the night, that probably goes to Beyonce for her "awwww!" inducing moment when she unsnapped her tuxedo and rubbed her expectant belly. It's not as salacious as Britney and Madonna tonguing each other down, but it was beautiful nonetheless.

Chris Brown upped the ante with his dance-crazy performance, he even flew around in the air for a good minute of it. Adele broke a few hearts while she belted her somber ballad "Someone Like You," Jay-Z and Kanye kept up their best buddies routine for a pyrofied version of "Otis." But Lil' Wayne left the audience dazed and confused closing out his set with a curse-laden, rocked out version of "John."

Watch all of the performances from the VMAs below

VMA Promos Roundup: Bruno, Britney, Gaga and Wayne

The VMAs are coming, the VMAs are coming!

This weekend, MTV will hold its annual music industry melee, the Video Music Awards and as the date approaches, MTV continues to tease out more and more promo videos to get the fans excited.

The latest features "Grenade" singer Bruno Mars as he jams and rocks out with fans and friends in his very own party. It's similar in style and theme to Britney's VMA promo, although Brunz isn't getting a tribute quite yet.

But Bruno isn't the only one who's gotten the VMA promo treatment, Mother Monster herself, Lady Gaga, who is set to open the show, also has a creepy promo. And Young Money's head honcho Weezy gets the video treatment too.

Watch all the promo videos for the 2011 MTV Video Music Awards below

Thank the butcher! Lady Gaga's VMA meat dress didn't stink of rotting flesh

Photo credit: Wireimage

Lady Gaga has done it again. She made herself the talk of the town with a fashion statement that cut straight to and through the bone. Lady Gaga's meat dress, as it has been affectionately dubbed, is the most talked about award show dress since Jennifer Lopez's tropical rainforest dream of a barely there Versace gown at the 2000 Grammys. Everyone wants to know more about the meat dress. What kind of beef was it? How was it made? Did it stink? Will it get its own VH1 reality show?

With regard to that question malodors: The answer, apparently, is that no, the meat dress did not "stink." At least that's what an MTV insider said. Maybe he just went overboard with cheap drug store deodorant body spray that night and subsequently lost his discerning sense of smell?

"It didn't smell at all," Ernesto Elias of MTV Music and Talent, who escorted Gaga to and from her seat throughout Sunday's show, told MTV News on Thursday (September 16). Although Gaga was rocking pounds of raw meat under the glare of the Nokia Theatre lights, Elias said the fleshy frock wasn't gag-inducing. "I actually was able to get a picture taken with her and kinda touched it. It was just your regular old feeling of meat." Source: MTV.com

The fact that the meat was raw raises another question: How long ago was this whole thing assembled? Did they keep it in the fridge until it was show time? So many meaty questions.

For those who are vegetarian or vegan, sorry. Maybe she'll rock a carrot top next year for you. And for those who prefer chicken over red meat, hey, a little iron never hurt anybody. For those who prefer fish: What kind of cruel monster are you? Can you imagine if Gaga sauntered past Rihanna, Drake and Katy Perry in a sardine dress? Sure, dumpster baby Ke$ha probably wouldn't flinch, but the rest of the auditorium would retch and pass out. Nobody wants to smell Chicken of the Sea in the presence of fine company.

Rihanna jumped on a plane to the VMAs last minute after Eminem pleaded

Rihanna has a big heart, ya know? After previously denying that she would be at the VMAs on Sunday, Rihanna made a surprise appearance in L.A., opening the show with Eminem performing their hit single "Love The Way You Lie." Things went off without a hitch and Rihanna looked heavenly. But what changed her mind?

If you have her tell it, Eminem just couldn't do it without her. He called her the day before and begged her to come out and do the song with him, Rihanna said in an interview with MTV. Magically, the producers of her film also happened to give her a day off from filming so, you know, everything just kind of clicked together. And she had no idea she would be having the day off beforehand when she gave that interview with ET. Fate and flying unicorns and stuff! So magical!

Watch Rihanna's interview about her VMA appearance below

2010 VMAs: Lady Gaga reigns supreme, Kanye toasts to douche bags

Photo: Wireimage.com

Two words ruled the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards: Lady Gaga. She won 8 of her 13 nominations last night at the VMAs and each time she trotted up to the podium, she was wearing something different. Though some might poo-poo the VMAs as being an insignificant award show, Gaga took the night very, very seriously, as she was nearly in tears or actually crying every time she went up to accept her award. One can only imagine what will happen if she sweeps the Grammys next year in February.

The other person who seemed to be having the best night ever was Justin Bieber. The teen star scored a spot performing at the show and while his performance was full of spunk and energy, it felt like something more suited for Nickelodeon. But his young fans wanted him so MTV had to deliver. And a performance slot wasn't all the Beliebers pulled off either, they sent him home with the Best New Artist award, besting favorites like Nicki Minaj, who was gracious about her loss. Her Young Money colleague Drake, on the other hand, seemed less enthused and this gif shows that Drake was hoping Bieber Fever wouldn't strike.

Usher shut it down with a VMA-worthy performance full of stage props, costumes, dazzling lighting effects and dance breaks. Oh yes, dance breaks. Remember when Britney Spears, NSYNC, TLC, Janet Jackson and the like made a dance break mandatory during a VMA performance? Anyway, Usher did one and it was pretty spectacular because it was in sync with the floor, which lit up. Yes, he was light on the actual live singing, but again, VMAs, guys. It's about entertainment first.

Not that talent didn't have its place on the VMAs stage last night. Florence + The Machine were spellbinding. Florence was a celtic goddess in the middle of a strange '60s, doo wop diner scene. It did and didn't make sense. But what was easily intelligible was how amazing Florence's voice was. She belted about the pain in "Dog Days Are Over" in a way that made us say, "Amy Winehouse, who?" Britain's got talent. Give us more Flo, MTV.

2010 MTV Video Music Awards: Performances

The 2010 MTV Video Music Awards always deliver on the performance front and this year was no exception. The evening opened with Eminem, in an underground club, spitting "Not Afraid" and then opened to the jaw-dropping set of the VMAs. He was joined by Rihanna (surprise!) for their hit "Love the Way You Lie." Rihanna had previously said she wouldn't attend the show, but that clearly was a ruse to throw people off.

Other stunning performances included Usher, who spared no prop, trick or effect for his eye-popping number; Justin Bieber, whose light-hearted teen pop performance ended in confetti; Florence + The Machine, who debuted in a stunning spectacle of dances and vocal acrobrats; Linkin Park, who returned with their chanting and howling intact style intact; Taylor Swift, who publicly "forgave" Kanye West; Drake, who called on Swizz and Mary J. Blige for a "Fancy" outing; Bruno Mars, B.o.B. and Paramore, who melded their songs together in a joint performance; and Kaney West, who turned self-deprecation into a champagne toast.

Watch all of the performances below