Bark + Bite

Parents: WATCH what your kids are doing on the Internet

Exhibit A: Little ass boy makin' a fool of himself on YouTube singing all the latest hits.

This video is disturbing on several levels.

1) It's a little kid singing about "touch my body." Enjoy, Michael Jackson.

2) Somebody told this little boy that he sounded good.

3) He pronounced "rendezvous" as RENADOOZ

This kid is a Sanjaya in the making. Are his parents condoning this tomfoolery?

Usher goes to camp

I guess with the underwhelming performance of his latest album "Here I Stand" Usher is finding himself with a lot of free time. And what better way to kill free time in the summer, than with summer camp?

I know the kids are happy and everything, but I bet you they would've been even happier if Chris Brown had shown up.

Whitney's feeble attempt at a comeback

There's an important life lesson that is often not taught - or perhaps it's just not well-received - but nonetheless, we recognize and pity those who fail to pick it up along the way: Know when it's time to hang it up.

Whitney, you had a fantastic career. You've had some highs, (haha!) some lows and some flops but trying to resurrect your career with the help of the Madgascar Hissing Cockroach known as Akon is the worst sign of desperation we've seen from you since you and Bobby decided to give us "Something In Common." You and Bobby were desperate to prove to the world that your love was real and all that other talk was just "hateration." Well, I'm sure you feel kind of silly now, post-divorce with your head in Ray-J's lap.

Akon, I hope you're happy. At times, you're a genius. Gwen's "Sweet Escape" and Colby O'Donnis' "What You Got" are shining testaments to your hit-making abilities. But with the old folks you drop the ball, see Michael Jackson's homoerotic duet with Akon, "Hold My Hand" and now we can add this limp collaboration with Whitney Houston, "Like I Never Left," to the list.

Whitney Houston feat. Akon - "Like I Never Left" (2008)
by buzznews101

Whitney, we'll love you like you never left if you do us a favor and actually leave. Seriously, you thought that a track with the sound a jail cell clanging shut and Akon calling out "Konvict" was the best way to stage a comeback? Given your history? Clive Davis must be asleep.

Timbaland gets a Jumento award

It pains me to do this because Timbaland is definitely one of my favorite producers, but homie gets the Jumento award for this gem from an MTV News article:

I really do focus groups. I get reports, readouts. I'm not gonna talk about it. If you ask for documentation, I got it. I'm a businessman and at the same time a CEO. But I looked at the charts: I went platinum in 16 different countries. Africa? Double platinum. Ireland? Double platinum. New Zealand? Triple platinum. London? Platinum. London is the hardest place to go platinum. France? Platinum. They don't like nobody unless you French, but they like me.

Someone send this newsflash to Timbaland:

AFRICA IS NOT A COUNTRY.

Gittin' down in Chitown

Guess what, bammas? I'm in Chitown! Yup, for the first time in my life, I have ventured out to the midwest. It's not as scary as I thought. At least it hasn't been so far.

I'm in Chicago for the UNITY conference, a conference for minority journalists. I actually attended the conference back in 2004 in Washington DC and it was an amazing experience. In '04, John Kerry and George Bush came to speak at the conference. Needless to say, Bush's reception was a bit chilly. But hey, at least he had the balls to show up and spit in our collective face.

Barack Obama is scheduled to speak here in Chicago, but I don't know if I'll be able to catch him speaking. Originally, he and John McCain were scheduled to speak in a forum on Thursday, but both campaigns had other plans and skipped out on it.

Since I'm at the conference, posting might be light for a little while, but I'll try to keep up. Holla if you see me!

P.S. Did you know Chicago has a really big lake? No, for real, Lake Michigan looks like a damn ocean. When I saw as we were flying in I was thrown back by it.

Rihanna unleashes her "Thriller"

Rihanna is working hard, man. She's working for some sort of status and I have to applaud her. When I first heard that she was gonna release the new cut "Disturbia" from the re-release of her album "Good Girl Gone Bad," I didn't get it. I found the song to be just... weird. It's got lyrics about "no more gas in the rig" and the verses are hard to take in on the first listen, in part because of its call and response style. But after having seen the video for the single, I get it. She's trying to make her version of "Thriller."

Watch the video below.

That's some sick shit, Rihanna. Unlike so many of her contemporaries, Rihanna gets that the visual matters. Rihanna showed that she understood that when she (or her handlers, for you cynics) decided to take a sharp turn left with her image for the release of her third album. The video for "Umbrella" was her coming out ceremony and she unveiled a completely new Rihanna. The new Rihanna had a sharp, dark, edgy haircut, she wore black, a lot, and she favored tight, leather, body-fitting outfits. The "Good Girl Gone Bad" butterfly that emerged from the "Pon De Replay" cocoon was a new beast entirely. Gone were the comparisons to Beyonce that she suffered from on her last album. Rihanna now had her own style.

Now to be accurate, while I do think Rihanna gets the visual, she falls off track sometimes. I thought the "Umbrella" video was genius. The follow-up, "Shut Up and Drive," was perfect visually with its racing theme, but she didn't dance, which left the video feeling a bit lacking in energy. "Don't Stop The Music" was a disappointingly bland and unoriginal club video. It sadly suffered from little dancing as well. "Hate That I Love You" is barely worth mentioning, but at least it mimicked a retro style nicely. Same goes for "Take A Bow."

But with "Disturbia" Rihanna seems to have found her mark again. It pulls together a mish mash of the weird and odd elements of Michael Jackson's "Thriller," "The Rocky Horror Picture Show," "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "Dawn of the Dead." It's a song about paranoia, self-torture and horror and she brings all of these themes to life vividly and convincingly. She twitches, contorts her body in quirky positions and the backdrops look like scenes from your worst nightmares. Ashlee Simpson is somewhere pulling her hair out because this is the exact look and style she was going for with her "Outta My Head" video. Unlike Ashlee, I'm sure Rihanna will find some measure of success with this single.

I wonder though, shouldn't this song and video have been postponed til Halloween? Seems like a waste in the middle of the summer.

Shakira and her hips say: No mas secuestrados

You may have heard there's a scary hostage situation in Colombia with a group of rebels called FARC, kidnapping people on the regular and holding them hostage in jungle camps. You may have heard about one particularly famous hostage, Franco-Colombian Ingrid Betancourt, and her recent escape from the Colombian jungle prisons. But did you know that Shakira's "La Tortura" is also a call to arms against oppression and evil? Watch the Reuters clip below.

Even though I'm teasing Shakira, it's great that unlike a lot of other brain-dead celebrities, she is willing to lend her voice to an important, yet very political cause. She looks great in those tight jeans and I'm sure if FARC dared to kidnap Shakira that their camps would be blown to smithereens by an international coalition. Kidnapping women and children is one thing, but depriving the world of its Shaki is going too far.

Batman: The Dark Knight

The new Batman flick, featuring one of Heath Ledger's last performances, hits theaters today. As a gift, here's everything you want to see relating to "The Dark Knight." Movie reviews, interviews, clips, trailers, but no Robin. Sorry, Robin fans.